dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
