Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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