He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
