i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
