Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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