the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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