About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
