I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
