my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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