Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
