i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
