I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
