he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
