I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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