Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize