Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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