i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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