I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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