We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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