can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
