JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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