i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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