Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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