this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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