Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
