I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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