Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
