Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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