The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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