It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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