don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
