The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She bit a glass in half.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
