new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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