what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Randomize
