Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
