So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
