DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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