I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
