I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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