with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
