People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
