Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His hands were made for my vagina.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
