I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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