Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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