yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
