I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You pole danced in your parka.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
