So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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