All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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