There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
