this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
