I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
