Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
