I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
