I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
