I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
