Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
