he thought i was a dude.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
