I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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