I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
