You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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