Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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