I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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