i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she told me i tasted like america
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
