so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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