I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
