explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
